For The Heart I Once Had
by Lexiconish
Summary: Sakura witnesses the murder of Isao Li. Traumatized, she and her family are taken in by the shattered Li family. When both she and Syaoran are building walls, hope that either will recover fades. Sakura/Syaoran. Read and Review please. HIATUS  already!


**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Prologue: Awkward**

**Disclaimer: **The one and only time I'll say this: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura.

**Summary:** Sakura witnesses the murder of Isao Li. Traumatized, she and her family are taken in by the shattered Li family. When both she and Syaoran are building walls, hope that either will recover fades. S/S.

Autumn had never been her favourite season. She much preferred Spring, when the blossoms of her namesake would bloom and twirl around on the wind. This season was a time for dead things.

Sakura sat at her new bedroom window, watching emotionlessly as yet another leaf fell from the grey tree outside. It was cold weather, and she was wrapped in several layers. This was only because her older brother, Toya had encased her in several blankets. Sakura wouldn't have bothered otherwise. Normally she would have tried to entertain herself somehow, but she couldn't think of anything she would rather do right now than stare pointlessly out the window.

She did her best to stay upbeat, the way she used to be, in front of others. However, she really couldn't sum up the energy when she was on her own.

'_And that's twenty-eight.'_ She counted the last leaf to fall from the branch. It was still a beautiful amber colour. Her foot was going to sleep, and she lifted it up into her lap as someone knocked on her door. "Come in," she said as brightly as she could.

The door opened to reveal a face she had yet to recognise instantly. It took her a moment before she remembered that this was Syaoran Li, the son of Isao and Yelan Li. Thinking that caused her to flinch slightly, but she covered it by swiftly rising to her feet. She didn't want people to think she was too sad, because they would worry about her. She couldn't stand that.

"Dinner is ready now," he said, and without waiting for a response, he left.

Why were Sakura and her family sharing a home with the Li family?

Several weeks ago, she had witnessed the horrific murder of Isao Li by chance. Suffering from trauma, she'd been hospitalized and spoken with police, and the Li family. She'd told them all she felt she could. Which, unfortunately, wasn't much; she couldn't remember most of it, and was told she was probably blocking the incident from her memory. The effect of what she had seen however remained, and Sakura's personality had taken a dramatic turn.

The Li family had both worried for her safety now that she had seen what she had, and pitied her. Sakura suspected they also wanted to be there if her memories returned. As such, they had offered their protection and their hospitality.

Sakura wasn't the only one who had suffered; she'd seen the Li family the past few days, and could see that they were being torn apart. Be that as it may, and as grateful as she was to them, she had little patience for Yelan's only son Syaoran. His attitude wasn't helping anyone, and from what she'd heard, it wasn't only because of his father's death. Syaoran had always been rude and difficult.

She let the blankets drop to the floor, and briefly bothered to brush her hair before following Syaoran's path down to the dining hall. It was odd to be living here in this extravagant mansion after her simple two-storey home she'd shared with her brother and father before. She would have been more uncomfortable and shy here had she still been herself.

Silence always reigned at the meals they ate together. Feimei, Fuutie, Shiefa and Fanren were usually absent but they sat tonight, eyes red. Yelan was pristine at the head of the table. Toya was glaring at Syaoran; he'd taken an instant dislike to the boy. Sakura's father, Fujitaka Kinomoto sat opposite Yelan - way down the other end of the long table. Syaoran sat next to his mother, filling his father's seat as if to make it seem no one was absent.

Sakura's place was to the left of Syaoran. She blinked at the plate and waited a moment for her brother to insult her the way he usually did, but nothing was forthcoming and she ate with a frown. It was strange, these dinners.

Was it all her fault? Because she'd become this useless shell, was that why everyone else had changed? She blinked back tears. Before you knew it, she'd be a blubbering mess like the four sisters; though she didn't blame them. She had to try harder. She couldn't let it seem that it had affected her as it had, because everyone worried. Sakura had been told many times 'a smile suits you best'. She couldn't disappoint everyone anymore. Wiping hastily at her eyes, she picked up her head and flashed them a smile. "This is lovely Li-sama," she said.

Everyone started. Yelan eyed her curiously, cautiously. "Thank you Sakura-san. Wei-san made it."

"He is a really good cook," Sakura said brightly, "It's delicious."

Syaoran scowled at his food. "Excuse me, mother. I think I'll turn in." Without another word, he vanished up the stairs and Sakura pursed her lips. It was sad, what had happened to him.

Perhaps if she focused on cheering everyone else up, she'd be happier herself? It was worth a try. Her father had always told her that if she was happy, just about everyone else in the world would be, so it was time she started acting herself again.

**A/N: **_This was only a beginning, a prologue kind of thing. Actual chapters will be longer. Basically, this just introduces the background information, and we'll move on soon. Be aware, there's almost definitely a time leap coming next chapter; like, a few months or so maybe less, after this occurred so nothing major. Just a note, Syaoran is 17, Sakura is 16. Ok? Ok._

_Please show your appreciation for my return to the Cardcaptor Sakura fandom by reviewing. It's only a start. Sorry I haven't finished my other stories yet. But I will – they're on hiatus._

_-Kura_

_Ps: Kudos to Nightwish for the title. Good song._


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